walking out of an exam you knew you failed
You expect me to move my stuff when I have no where to put all that shit because you couldn’t even clean up the fucking floor for when I move back in. It’s your shit, not mine. I told you weeks ago to fucking clean your shit up. My closet is not a fucking storage. It is my closet. I get anxiety looking at all that shit.
What if I did college differently?
There are the days where I just think this way, and it’s terrible. But it’s always a what if, or did I make a good choice.
It starts off with what if I didn’t go to NIU. I wouldn’t have gone through what I have went through this past school year and semester. One part of the reason I decided to go to NIU, when I was in high school, was because of a boy. Coming to NIU I wasn’t with him and finishing off my first year I lost him completely.
What if I went to a different school out of state? I would be away completely from my life. I would have changed in a different way. People wouldn’t know who I am or could easily find out who I was. I’d be a random girl from the city of Chicago. I’d be able to explore outside of Illinois.
What if I waited until second semester or sophomore to rush, like I was suppose to? I would have had a clearer mind about everything and learned about different sororities. Maybe my grades would have been different. I wouldn’t have gone through the bad things that has happened?
What if I joined a different Panhellenic sorority or an Asian-Interest Sorority? Would things be any different? If I was in an Asian sorority would I have been satisfied to remain in the Asian community?
See, I tend to think those things.
Yes this year and semester has brought a lot of pain in my life, but it has also brought happiness.
I think about all the good memories I have made and all the amazing people in my life and sometimes, that answers my questions.